Friday, March 21, 2014


I thought about posting about a lot of things today, but I had to stop and think about what was really on my mind.
My Father-in-law passed away this week and it got me to thinking about my husband and my Father and my brother. I look back with fondness to all three of them. It is bittersweet memories with them. All three left way too soon for human likes... and I am sad still, even after all these years that my Father is gone, and if I should live so long, Even after the same amount of time will be still missing my husband and my brother  I am sure, that they both went a month apart was hard... but... with all things, the pain is softened with time. .
My Father is always on my mind it seems, though I was pretty young when he passed away, I have al these memories that make him still close.
He was a fun man, though I guess I didn't realize it so much when I was a kid. He had a fun sense of humor, really dry, most like an Englishman, though his family was Scottish for the most part. Maybe the sense of humor is the same? I don't know.
He would talk about something and walk away, come back later on and pick up on the thought like he never stopped talking. I could always follow the thought but I think it drove my Mother crazy! He just kept thinking about something until it worked itself out.
I was allowed to go fishing with him, since I could sit for a while without talking. I guess that was what he enjoyed about fishing... the peace. Our house was noisy when I was little. A normal house I guess. My oldest brother was already moved out but when he was home it got noisier, and the other brother and his buddies, playing records and laughing, my sister playing the piano or her friends laughing and cutting up, me and my best friend, I am sure the loudest.... I guess going fishing was a relief!
My brother, James, also let me come fishing with him some, he would even slip a little goldfish on my hook to make me feel better about sitting quietly. I loved him for that!  My dad would just let me sit or wander around, not ever saying much, and never asking if I wanted to fish, 'cause usually I didn't.... I just liked the solitude. I guess my Father and I were more alike that i had thought.

I was sitting at the gravesite, thinking about my husband, his grave stone right to my right foot, thinking about how he and my son were together, and how different and yet alike they were. My husband never saw a stranger, my son painfully shy like me... My Father and my husband were a lot alike that way. My dad had friends all over the country, and I am sure all over the world for that matter. He was a good and kind man, never met a stranger, went out of his way to help people.
My son will be the same way later on. He just needs a bit of growing up and time away from me. Though, he will always be quiet I think. He just doesn't have a lot to say to other people, he will always keep one or two close friends to talk to...

I was tremendously proud of the way my son handled himself this week. Since his Father passed away, he hasn't been around that side of the family as much. Before his passing, my husband spent a lot of time with his own Father, and we were at their house the night before he passed, laughing and joking around. He worked with his brother so they were pretty close, spending so much time together, but he did put some distance in there at times... So, after his death, I took I took my son  over to see his grandfather as often as possible, but we never knew when he was in the hospital or when he was gone for any reason, we just didn't have any way of knowing much... but we went often enough I guess. Sadly, in the years since the death of my husband, my brother in law hasn't been very close to my son, the other brother lives away and it is fewer and further between when we see him, but he is probably closer to my son... that and his wife is the sweetest person you could ever imagine... and my son dotes on her.
This week has been filled with people in from different parts of the country, friends and family together and talking and laughing and it has been nice. My son loves the larger families, he wished for years that we had a huge family.... sadly we don't. My family is scattered around, and even the ones that are close, aren't. My son has said over and over that he misses everyone, but this is not an easy way to get together.
I don't know much about my father's family, I have been searching for their past, but usually come up empty handed... I traced his mother's mother's side of the family back to them coming to the states back in the mid-1600s but the rest is so hard to find. My Mother's, Mother's side of the family is back to somewhere in the 1100s, but other than that I don't know a lot either, not much left there, or that I can find.  My brother James passed away the month before my husband, my oldest brother lives away, and my sister doesn't speak to me, not for a while now, she has her own reasons...
So, we feel kind of alone now.
My mother is still alive, but it is harder and harder for her to come to the house, I have a truck and she can't hardly get into it, and it is hard for me to go to see her. Since I haven't been able to drive for so long, it has taken it's toll. I depend on everyone else that can take me to do anything.
Well, that should be enough of me going on the way I have.
I will post again tomorrow with my Bead Soup arrival, it got here earlier this week but I have been so busy I didn't get to stop and look at it.

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