Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Kids

I used to like kids.

I do still like my own.

I just don't like other people's kids so much. I used to, We used to have a house full of kids at any given moment, my daughter was pretty social, and I had Brownie and Girl Scout troops, and I just adored kids. My sister has three, my brother, two, other brother 3 and they all have grandkids of all ages now. I have kept to some degree all of them and if it be known, I envied them. I wanted to have a bunch of kids... I had one daughter.... and that was it forever... She wanted a baby brother or sister forever... and it just didn't happen.

It took me 21 years to finally deliver her a baby brother and she gave me a grandson two years later, so I finally had two kids at once.  I guess that is why I didn't mind having tons of kids over at the house. I just wanted a big family. I always wanted a big family. Until now.

My daughter and grandson moved away and I just about died. I couldn't imagine a life without her, and never thought I would ever not have him. I had kept him for the first five years of his life. Him living here with us for a lot of that time, and it just seemed that it was just crazy to be without him. My son was devastated. It was really hard on him that his father passed away, but losing the only thing he would ever have that was as close to a brother he would ever have... that was just heart wrenching.

So we got over the shock pretty quick, and visited often, and had him here over the summer... but it is still difficult to let him go. My daughter... not so much. She is an adult, and after the first shock of her moving away... it was ok. She has talked about moving back, but really, I would discourage her until my last breath. This is just not a fit place for anyone, and I would gladly move away if I could.

Anyway, I let my son have kids over as often as I can. I just have a hard time with kids now. I don't know if it is because I am older and less tolerant? More than likely it is because I just don't like kids that much. More often than not, the kids that I come in contact with are rude, insolent, and just down right mean.  I think that is more the reason that I just don't like them.

I am pretty quiet, and I have a pretty solemn attitude. I laugh a lot at myself, and get jokes, but I don't make jokes a lot, and I guess I am a lot like my father with a dry sense of humor. He would be proud! I get the obscure and odd jokes and I hope that I have passed that along to my kids, and my grandson... but I just can't seem to connect with other kids... kids that don't 'get' Monty Python or Mr Bean... or don't like Mad magazine...
 I don't seem to connect with kids that are unwilling to try something new. I was raised in pretty small towns, and the grocery stores were rather lacking in items that were very exotic... but somehow my mother made some pretty cool food. Tabbouleh, cabbage rolls, kraut and dumplings, enchiladas, sliced jicama and exotic desserts. Most of my friends never had things like that. Not the varying types of  food... usually they would have something very bland and indifferent.  I hated eating at friends houses, because they usually had something boring.

When I got married, and started a family of my own, the meals at our house usually were different. I tried to learn to cook, at least more than what I knew already, spaghetti and tacos mostly. We weren't well off, and I had a tight budget, very tight budget. My husband had two kids from a previous marriage and they lived with us for a time, and had nieces and nephews with us a lot, so... I had to make the meals stretch...  The nieces and nephew all had favorite meals and I would try to make something for them that they liked. One niece liked fried pork chops and gravy with mashed potatoes... another loved either Chinese food... egg rolls, stir fry, fried wontons and egg drop soup... or her second favorite was a big Chef Salad... my nephew, liked a casserole that I made a lot but never named. Someone donated a cookbook to us one time ( a backhanded way of saying that I didn't know how to cook at 20) and it had this intriguing casserole that I knew wouldn't fly, not because of the ingredients so much but of how it was put together... so I altered it. The kids loved it.

So, the truth is, I started trying to make dishes that were different, that the kids would eat, that wouldn't be boring... yes, we had the obligatory beans, cornbread, and friend potatoes... my ex didn't want me to vary too far from this... but  I didn't want to be one of those moms that made meatloaf on Tuesday and roast on Sunday and very limited else the rest of the week... I wanted my kids to know what it was like to eat something different, something new. And once again... we lived in a small town, so it took some doing to get ingredients. The results were great,  I love that my daughter likes varying foods. I love that my son and grandson love to eat weird stuff. If I cook it, he'll try it, and more times than not, he likes it... My son went to a Jamaican restaurant and loved it, ...no hesitation... we eat at Prince every time we get a chance... it is Lebanese. While we were traveling, we tried to eat as much of the local food as possible. Oh, yes, we did have a Chinese buffet every now and again, but mostly we tried the local fare from locally owned shops, one fish and chips  shop was a friend of our friend, his dad had owned the shop and he took it over so it was a local favorite for years and years... and the best fish and chips I have ever had. We had kebabs and fish and chips and fried haggis  (Yes, fried)... black pudding (not something I want to eat every day, but my son liked it). When we went to France, we had pate and crepes, fresh cheeses and cream while in Isigny from their local creamery, and some very nice dishes that I can't tell you what it was!!!   Ezo in Bristol was my son's favorite... he loved the Lamb and when they served the fish, head to tail... he was fine about ti... Stuffed grape leaves? no problem...

Some of the kids that my son is friends with won't try anything. I made pork chops and linguine alfredo and one of his friends just about gagged and wouldn't eat. I made salad and chicken breasts one night for a friends kid... and he wouldn't eat. He didn't like vegetables. He didn't like chicken except chicken nuggets... when my son goes to his house, he comes home starving. They eat pizza... and that is about it.

My son had a friend sleep over last night. He is a sweet kid, I don't mind him coming over. He doesn't say bad things... he doesn't curse... he eats what I put in front of him, even if it is just a few bites... and he doesn't tear up the house... That is a kid that I like/ We have had kids that I would rather strangle than to look at 'em.  I think that I am less tolerant that I used to be, coupled with the fact that most kids are just raised differently. I volunteered at the school for a while, and the kids were horrid. Most of them had parents that were just absent...even if they were there, they were not there... drug addicts, alcoholics, and just inattentive parents. I felt sorry for the kids... and that should make me want to help them more... but it doesn't.

Maybe it is that we have dealt with so much in our home... so much pain and anguish that I just don't want to get close to people that have so many problems. I have backed away from volunteering at the school, it was just taking a toll on me mentally and physically... and I just don't have the patience. I wish I did. But I just don't want to be around a bunch of screaming, mean, insolent kids that have no discipline. Is that bad?

sigh... I am not saying my kids are perfect... far from it. But at least they know if they are rude to someone... I will not tolerate it. If they hurt someone, there are repercussions to.  their actions... and if they won't eat something that they are missing out on a new experience.

Oh well, I guess that about covers my ranting today

No work to show, my eyes are really sore today, it is hard to do much other than scroll through facebook and complain on here... hoping to get back to work sometime soon. Please bear with me.

4 comments:

  1. You are not alone. I could have written this entire thing. And I echo your feelings completely. I wonder if other children have any raising at all...they're picky, privileged, rude, and piteously ignorant. I've found that these kids really do have 1am curfews in 6th grade and truly don't eat vegetables. And they all have new phones that I can't afford and wouldn't buy for my CHILD even if I could. I agree with the food thing as well. My kids will eat anything. They have their preferences, of course, but they're eager to try new things and love going to ethnic markets just to see what interesting foods they can find. It's the mark of a good parent when you prepare your kids to be resilient, resourceful, and thoughtful. You sound normal to me!

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    1. Thanks! I know parents... friends.... teachers no less... that let their kids stay up till all hours playing video games. Even on school nights they are basically unsupervised. Never have a decent meal, no family time. I just think it is so sad. My son loves to go over to his friends house, the parents just leave them alone... Now, I may be old fashioned, but I think that you allow the kids to play, but kind of keep an eye on them as well. My son runs loose in our back yard, and on the block, but I know where he is at all times and can yell for him and he comes... most of his friends never go outside. My daughter told me once that she really appreciated that I encouraged her to go out and play. She never had a Nintendo and at the time she felt left out, but now she is glad. Knowing that makes it easier to limit game time and tv time.

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  2. Well written! Kids need a lot of your time and many people get kids, but are not willing to spend time with them, raise them, educate them and, most important of all, make them good people. It is sad, but you cannot not be a substitute for the parents of these kids.

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    1. It's sad that they just don't care. I know it is hard to work and cook and clean and raise a kid, I know because I am doing it, but... really? let something else go, kids can stand a messy house but they need attention and love and some good food every now and then!!!

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